Its been 3 days since I have ran and I feel like I might as well quit running forever. Of course I wont, as I never will as long as I can help it, but right now I feel like not running for 3 days is me failing at life. Man I have issues.
I never got around to logging my long run last week. I managed a 7 on New Years eve, and was planning to do a 12 yesterday (Monday). Beginning on Sunday night though, the weather in Ohio went slightly crazy. It went from being 50 degrees and sunny to 15 degrees (with windchill) and 45 mph winds and non stop snow. I actually think that it JUST stopped snowing about 5 minutes ago, and my phone says the wind chill right now is 9.... I wish I could take a picture of my phone screen with my phone to show you... I'm sure that you can do that actually, but I still cant seem to get past more then making calls and checking face book.
I tried to run yesterday twice and once today and all 3 attempts failed. Attempt one I was going to go with my husband to an interview he had and just run around the streets till he was done for a change of scenery, I got all ready and ran out to get in the car, and as soon as I passed the end of our house to the drive way I felt like I was smacked in the face with a freezing hand. I knew I wasn't about to run in that crap, (If you have read my past blogs you know about my weather issue.) but we were going to my mom's house later that evening, which is a 4 mile run, 3 on the path. I knew that I would have to run on the path in order to escape the wind (its like a little cocoon in there with all the trees). I made it the 1.2 miles down to the path ok, but as soon as I hit the path, it was covered in a very fine, very slippery layer of snow. My shoes started slipping with each step so I stopped to test the path by doing a sweet slide move, and I went about a foot. Needless to say I wasn't about to head out another 3 miles on that and turned around. I had my husband picked me up and I made it about 2 miles in total. Blah! It did however give me the energy to do 30 min of Pilates, and 40 min of some serious yoga, which felt great.
I started school today also. My schedule ended up being planned very well where I go to math, then I have 1 hour and 10 minutes before my next class, which is right next to the school gym. So that gives me exactly enough time to run 60 minutes on the treadmill as long as I wear my gym clothes under my regular clothes. So I was all excited today, not to run on the treadmill, just to be able to run in general, but when I walked into the gym at school and signed in, my bubble was again popped. Apparently you need a school ID to use the gym which I have not needed before so I didn't have, and I have used the gym before without one! So I didn't run again today. Blah again!!! I'm just venting now, but its frustrating.
Working out is a funny thing. It takes a long time to get into the grove of it, but it is so easy to get OUT of the grove. But it is always important to keep in the SPIRIT of it. I have been going about the past few days thinking that if I didn't go running today, then everything that I have been working for will have gone out the window, that my training was pointless, and that I was no longer considered a runner. I know these are very irrational thoughts, but they do occur in my head, and it's important what I do with them inside my head that really matters I guess. With my training in exercise science, I know that I will not physically loose my muscle mass or my cardiovascular endurance that I have worked so hard for in a matter of 3 days, especially since I am still doing over an hour of other training a day. And I know that missing a few days of running really wont derail my marathon training as long as I keep it up since I have built such a great base, but its funny how quickly we tend to beat ourselves down when we cant keep up our goals. I guess that is why people say don't make New Years resolutions. Cause if we can't keep them then we automatically just give up.
One of the most important things that I try to do is live each minute as if it was a new chance. A lot of people will say, oh ill start my diet on Monday. Or I will start a running program when the new year happens, or I will quit smoking when I am done with this pack... or carton. I have always tried to fight this thought. If I can't get my run in in the morning, I will try again in the afternoon. If I eat a cookie after lunch when I know I shouldn't, I will take the rest of the day to make the best of it by eating right, not having dessert or working out a little harder. Instead of always just putting off making my habits better later.
I think it is the changing of my past addictive behaviors that have forced me to think like this. For years, if something went wrong in my day before 1 pm, I would chock they day up to a loss and start drinking early, making the rest of the day drunken and unproductive. I would always say I will try again tomorrow. But as I was changing, and getting out of this habit I started forcing myself hit the "restart" button for my day. Instead of drinking I would go for a run and say, ok the second half of my day can be much better then the first half.
Take a shot and tell yourself to not try again tomorrow, but to try again NOW. And don't forget one of my favorite sayings. Fake it till you make it!
There is simply nothing fake about what you are accomplishing, or the determination you are showing by never giving up. I can tell how much you want this, and that my friend is what winners are made of. Excellent post.
ReplyDeleteLife as a recovering addict can be tough. Your addiction is always there waiting for the right opportunity to bring you down. The good thing is that while you were an active addict, you most likely developed a very unique skill set, that when used in a healthy way more than compensates for any disadvantage your addiction may burden you with. You can read people well, you have a situational awareness that is second to none, you have spent more time considering your strengths and weaknesses than most, and that, when you really have to, and if it's important enough to you, you can go to any length to achieve what you want. Most normal people have never had to do that. Your daily efforts will sometimes be enough, and sometimes not, but in the long run, you will get there. You are an addict and have more experience in getting what you need than anyone. Stay strong and keep inspiring the rest of us.
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