As mother's day circles around again this year, an article popped up on my facebook feed that I remembered circling around last year about this time. It's an open letter a non-mom wrote about how she feels alienated when her pastor asks the moms to stand and be recognized on mothers day. She states the the ritual makes women who are not "technically moms" feel awkward. That one year she decided to stand, despite not being a mother, because she didn't want to feel like less of a woman. You can read the full article here. I just have one thing that I want to say to this woman.
It's NOT. ABOUT. YOU.
It's about mothers. It's about honoring mothers on this one day out of the year that is set aside to honor them. You state that it's awkward for the women to be told to stand. If a woman doesn't want to stand, they don't have to. If a woman wants to stand despite the fact that she may have lost her child early in their life and will always be a mother in her heart, then she can go for it. No one is taking roll call. You know how you feel in your heart, and God knows weather you have the heart of a mother or not and the act of standing should be a personal and immensely proud moment for these mothers, the same way it is when one chooses to stand in church the day they gave their life to Christ. No one asked you for your credentials before you stood on that day, and no one is asking for them now. They are just there to honor and support you.
I promise you that I'm not insensitive to your issue. I am in fact a mother of three, so I proudly stand on mothers day. But I'm no stranger to the feeling of sadness and loss towards a specific group of people. I lost my father to alcoholism when my oldest son was one. I was extremely close to my father growing up. He taught me a love for life that I carry in my day and pass down to my children. A spirit that I had hoped he would be able to pass down himself. But he can't; because he died very tragically. and way too young. His death, despite being over 6 years ago, breaks my heart every day.
And it breaks my heart again every time I see a friend post a picture on facebook of their father lovingly holding their grandchild, or playing baseball with them, or reading them a book, or walking with them hand in hand down a walking path in the woods. It killed me last week when I took my two year old to story hour and the two men that sat down against the wall next to me were both grandpas there on their own with their grandchildren. I watched their relationship longingly and just kept thinking about how I'll never get to witness that love, and my sons will never know that relationship. And it tears me apart when I attend a wedding and watch the father walk their daughter down the isle and dance that beautiful father daughter dance together. Because I never got to experience that, because my dad died 1 week before I met my husband.
But you know what, just like you on mothers day, those situations are NOT. ABOUT. ME.
They are beautiful and the essence of what makes our world go round. I would never ask someone else to compromise the love they have in their lives because of what I am missing in mine. I choose to celebrate them and their relationship and am proud every time I see love shared between two people in this world.
It'll be ok non-mama. You have your own beautiful life in your own way, and I have my own beautiful life in mine. And my life gets more beautiful every time I have the blessing to share in others joy.
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